Dating in the USA

I have been here for one year, but I have been
reasonably busy getting friends. One of the most
rewarding aspects of life is getting to know new
people with diverging opinions and philosophies.
I really suck new impressions to me, in a way that
seems to scare my colleagues (my dating habits
remain the major topic of all our lunch discussions
and I gladly share whatever views I have - causing
some disturbance among my American lab mates
since we obviously disagree on some major points).

So I decided to share a bit of my little experience
with this country so far:

My favorite dating procedure would be something like:

1)
Setting: Coffee at a neutral place (coffee shop).
Style: Casual
Behavior: Be yourself in a non-pushy way (if you can)
Conversation: Even though you are honest, direct, curious,
don't get too intimate during conversation, i.e. don't
talk about ex girl friends and your emotional screw ups.
Romantic: Absolutely NO kissing. If she tries to kiss you,
something is not right (= she is trying to get over an ex).

About kissing on the cheek:
If the girl is worldly, you can kiss her on cheeks. If she
is European, one on each side starting from her right is fine.
Don't make it complicated, any side is eventually ok, you
two should be able to figure it out. Some (worldy) girls
take a little bit offense if you don't show respect by kissing
them on the cheeks. You will notice that some girls will
want three cheeks (as far as I remember, it's the Portugese,
some Eatern European, and Spanish girls) My French ex-girl
friend always wanted two, my Polish ex-girl friend wanted
three. One kiss is ok with some Americans because they
don't know any better, but it is hugely offensive to anyone else.
Also, Italian, Spanish, Portugese, French, and Greek girls
in my experience consider hugs to be amusing. Only kiss very
vaguely, barely touch with your lips. Don't kiss her hand
on a first date! (and don't hold'em too, don't do
ANYTHING with her hands, ok?)


If not scared away, then
2)
Setting: lunch on a second date.
Style: Wear something nice, but still casual.
Behavior: Be yourself even if involves being a bit pushy :-)
In fact, ALWAYS be yourself. You don't want to play games,
do you? (because, then you will only succeed with players).
Conversation: It is proper to start talking about your past
emotional life if the atmosphere is right. Otherwise stick
to everything you are good at and by all means: figure out
now if you really like this girl. If you do, talk about your
one-month desert safari in Saharah (see separate log on Libya).
Romantic: You will know if a kiss is appropriate on the mouth.
Don't attempt any tongue! Take it easy, there'll be plenty of
time later if something is meant to be. If she tries to kiss you,
she may still be trying to get over an ex :-) but this time, feel
the force and go where it may take you.

After second date: If you seriously want to see this girl again,
don't bring her home. Tell her that you like her a lot and let
at least three days go, to make sure that you know what you
are doing. Then:

3)
Setting: Dinner or something extraordinary (depending on
how much you like her and how romantic and creative you are)
I had a girl doing karate with me on Yale Campus for third date.
It was very intimate (for me at least). Fair to say, though, it
never worked out between us (long story, but she broke my
heart as she was emotionally unavailable - rule #1 of dating
club: DON'T FALL IN LOVE WITH EMOTIONALLY
UNAVAILABLE GIRLS) The extraordinary should come by
itself and based on what the two of you know each other. In
my world, if third date is "just" a dinner, I am not really
interested enough. If I were, I would have an idea for
something extraordinary that both of us would enjoy.
Style: Wear something that fits the occassion (surprise!)
It can be as formal as you want....
Behavior: Be yourself, for God's sake! Don't even ask!
Conversation: You can always talk about the 13 cats
you had as a kid, the 12 times you went to Provence, your
first crush on your cousin, the amazingly crazy life that
you lead and maybe also begin to be confidential with her,
if that's where you are going.
Romantic: Anything is ok. At least a kiss on the mouth,
possibly with tongue if the sensual atmosphere is right
(Since going on a third date for both of you should imply
that you are into this after serious consideration). I would
not recommend sex on a third date. Unless physical
attraction can't wait or the "extraordinary" date involved
sex already (lol!). If she is not making the moves, you should.
She is with you for the third time! (I made this mistake
when I was very interested in a girl, not to make the
"romantic move" - trust me, it's a loose to wait with kissing.
Romantic behavior should start here! If something starts
looking like a friendship, a friendship it will be. And it is
very hard to turn friendship into a romantic relationship.

4)
Fourth date: Is not really a date. You should end up at her
place or your place. I will leave the rest to you. Unless,
for some unfortunate reason, friendship took over. If
you value this girl as a friend, keep her in your life.


P.S.
Net dating sucks. All the emotionally unavailable (EUN*) girls
are in one place: the internet. For rebounds and what not.
I have bad experience with net dating in the USA. In Europe
it works fine (I had two girl friends I met online in Denmark).

P.P.S.
If you by some strange coincidence date a Scandinavian girl;
if she didn't make a move on you on the second date, she's
not interested. Also, Danish and Swedish girls are assertive,
but inside they want a man to be a man - and remember,
being macho is NOT being a man. No macho BS! Only
EUN girls and teenage girls fall for that.


* EUN instead of EU, not to confuse with the silly little
excuse for a federal state that the French and Germans are
playing around with.